Don’t Accept Less Love: Emotionally Moving On From Unavailable Partners — Black Girl In Om


The Gift of Friendship

These aren’t convenient friendships, only calling when life is good or falling apart. No, these are struggle in the middle of the night, we’re talking until we’re laughing or crying, solving life friendships.

When you have friends that want to see you do well, friends that take the time out to check on you, to see if you’re doing ok, and if not, by the end of the convo you feel like your soaring.
You tell these people every chance you get, you love them. You appreciate them.

These friendships take time to build. There is a certain vulnerability in these friendships. All emotions in these friends, they aren’t “cookie cutter”, they’re real. They’re honest. They are love.


Reclaiming Your Voice In Your Relationship

I believe there are moments in each relationship, when we aren’t as vocal with our concerns. It can be a problem with communication, or just not knowing how to bring certain subjects to surface, within the relationship.

This doesn’t just pertain to romantic relationships, but any relationship that work towards being interdependent, and supply a sense of support. In dealing with my own personal experience with “losing” my voice in my relationships, I feel this is especially true in codependent relationships. I would often find myself avoiding any “unpleasant” conversation, or diverting from world issues, just to keep the “bliss” in my relationship. Self-doubt played a big part.

When we doubt ourselves it shows in how we voice, or don’t voice our concerns. We may even behave in indecisive ways, and give off the impression we cannot make our own decisions. I can feel like we’re giving up our power in this way, relying to heavily on others opinions, whether we truly agree or not. It’s important to take time to sit with your feelings, and understand what you truly need from yourself, and your relationships. Trusting in your own decisions builds confidence, and helps you assert yourself, “stand in your ‘No’, and stand up for your ‘Yes’ “ (Iyanla Vanzant).

It may be necessary to set a time to have certain discussions, and write down important points, as to not stray off topic. When we feel we are not being heard, we may be defensive when we finally do express our feelings. Share in a comfortable environment, where both you and your partner can discuss, and resolve concerns without pointing fingers. Setting boundaries in our relationships is crucial, if our desire is to have a healthy relationship with good communication. We need to get into the habit of practicing more communication where it’s lacking, and trusting that our partners (family and friends) are open to our needs, and want to work out any challenges that may be present.

Love, or whatever the feeling

I had to be reintroduced to love
I had to learn to differentiate
what it was, what it wasn’t, and what disguised itself as love
I had to understand it’s core.

I had to dissect
Look in places I never wanted to see up close
Look in places I didn’t know exist
I was a “love explorer”
Wanting everything it had to offer.

I had to learn how quiet love was
Even in its flame, it’s low in comparison to lesser things
Love is humble like that

I had to be silent
I had to be willing
I had to understand that that love
Or whatever the feeling
Resonates inside…you….me.