Category: Relationships

“Question Everything”

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“She told us to ‘question everything’. And at the time I thought she simply meant authority, but it’s proven to be so much more than that.”

Ms. Lloyd was my 8th grade teacher at Bronx Writing Academy “The pen is mightier than the sword”. She was our Home Room teacher, and also taught Math and Science. Ms. Lloyd was a beautiful individual, who cared to share life lessons through her teaching. There was the Erykah Badu song “On & On” , “I was born under water with 3 dollars and 6 dimes. Yeah you might laugh ’cause you did not do your math”, used to convey a math problem. And the John Legend song “Ordinary People”, as we celebrated the end of the school year, and her reflection on our class (we were a handful).

It’s been a good 10 years since I’ve seen Ms. Lloyd, and one thing she taught us that stood out the most, was to question everything. If ever we had a concern about something question it, and make our voices heard. In my years growing up since then, I’ve learned it’s okay to stand by your own opinion, it’s okay to have your own vision and to know what you want to do with your life, and to go against the grain.

There have been times in my student, work, and personal life were I kept quiet not wanting to cause friction, and the end result was settling for less than what was deserved. Or in some situations, allowing mistakes and misunderstandings to be made, not thinking I had the power to correct things. I learned the importance in being your own advocate, and why it’s equally important to question the events around you.

In this life we’re all trying to make decisions, that will assist in our bettering. Having the confidence or assurance to question our own actions, keeps us true to our own personal values and morals. Why do we participate in the activities we do ? Is it driven by a loving passion, or something just to show off ?Or the friends and acquaintances we keep, do these individuals genuinely support us through life changes, or do we have to continuously seek them out?

In a world where it’s easier to follow suit, and conform, I was fortunate to be blessed with an educator like Ms. Lloyd. If by any chance she sees this, I just want to say “Thank You”. Thank you for always being there for a quick conversation, with a overzealous teen girl, and not making her feel bothersome when I felt misunderstood. And thank you for planting a seed, in myself and the rest of my classmates to always go for our best.

-K.E.M

The Gift of Friendship

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These aren’t convenient friendships, only calling when life is good or falling apart. No, these are struggle in the middle of the night, we’re talking until we’re laughing or crying, solving life friendships.

When you have friends that want to see you do well, friends that take the time out to check on you, to see if you’re doing ok, and if not, by the end of the convo you feel like your soaring.
You tell these people every chance you get, you love them. You appreciate them.

These friendships take time to build. There is a certain vulnerability in these friendships. All emotions in these friends, they aren’t “cookie cutter”, they’re real. They’re honest. They are love.

-K.E.M

Reclaiming Your Voice In Your Relationship

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I believe there are moments in each relationship, when we aren’t as vocal with our concerns. It can be a problem with communication, or just not knowing how to bring certain subjects to surface, within the relationship.

This doesn’t just pertain to romantic relationships, but any relationship that work towards being interdependent, and supply a sense of support. In dealing with my own personal experience with “losing” my voice in my relationships, I feel this is especially true in codependent relationships. I would often find myself avoiding any “unpleasant” conversation, or diverting from world issues, just to keep the “bliss” in my relationship. Self-doubt played a big part.

When we doubt ourselves it shows in how we voice, or don’t voice our concerns. We may even behave in indecisive ways, and give off the impression we cannot make our own decisions. I can feel like we’re giving up our power in this way, relying to heavily on others opinions, whether we truly agree or not. It’s important to take time to sit with your feelings, and understand what you truly need from yourself, and your relationships. Trusting in your own decisions builds confidence, and helps you assert yourself, “stand in your ‘No’, and stand up for your ‘Yes’ “ (Iyanla Vanzant).

It may be necessary to set a time to have certain discussions, and write down important points, as to not stray off topic. When we feel we are not being heard, we may be defensive when we finally do express our feelings. Share in a comfortable environment, where both you and your partner can discuss, and resolve concerns without pointing fingers. Setting boundaries in our relationships is crucial, if our desire is to have a healthy relationship with good communication. We need to get into the habit of practicing more communication where it’s lacking, and trusting that our partners (family and friends) are open to our needs, and want to work out any challenges that may be present.

Love, or whatever the feeling

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I had to be reintroduced to love
I had to learn to differentiate
what it was, what it wasn’t, and what disguised itself as love
I had to understand it’s core.

I had to dissect
Look in places I never wanted to see up close
Look in places I didn’t know exist
I was a “love explorer”
Wanting everything it had to offer.

I had to learn how quiet love was
Even in its flame, it’s low in comparison to lesser things
Love is humble like that

I had to be silent
I had to be willing
I had to understand that that love
Or whatever the feeling
Resonates inside…you….me.

-IGW